Learn about the common obstacles to effective coaching, and essential skills necessary for managers to build their authority and successfully coach their teams to great results.
By Rick Kirschner
The most common obstacle to building and projecting your authority in coaching others is the idea that coaching is about talking, that somehow talking takes priority over listening to understand.
I understand how this happens. In fast paced environments, it’s a natural tendency to put the pedal to the metal, to try harder, move faster, do more. The problem is that you wind up talking at your people instead of with them and to them. And the obstacle this lack of understanding creates is that without knowing what motivates your people, you can’t engage them where it counts.
When you understand what motivates your people, and it’s different for different people, you can speak with authority that is recognized as authority, because it is relevant and conveys experience and knowledge.
The next most common obstacle is the confidence problem. When managers come off as tentative, hesitant or uncertain, it tends to evoke these responses in the people around them. This problem is the side effect of at least two missing pieces: you first have to know your own motivation, and you must be prepared to speak when it’s time to speak. The fact is, people want to be led, not managed, and they need to get that sense of authority from you, because it gives them confidence to do what needs to be done. They believe it when you believe it.
Now, it’s a legitimate question, confidence in what? After all, in these changing times, nobody really knows what’s coming next. And some degree of introspection is prudent for anyone wanting to thrive instead of merely survive. But you can have confidence in your motivations. You can have confidence in what you do know. And you can have confidence that under the right conditions, people will want to give you their best, to do their best.
So, what are the key listening and communication skills that you can improve upon as you work to develop and strengthen others?
Fundamental to success in coaching are two essential skills. The first is blending, the second is asking questions.
Blending is the foundation of all successful relationships. It happens whenever you reduce the differences between yourself and another person. It happens whenever you send signals of similarity and commonality. And because nobody cooperates with anybody who seems to be against them, a failure to blend is the root cause of most conflict. If perception is everything in relationships, then sending blending signals is how you create the perception of partnering with your people in a process or project.
As for questions, I believe it was the stoic philosopher, Epicetus, who said “We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.” Maybe this is the apt metaphor for the way we’re built, but I’ve observed that too many people just don’t get it. Although they certainly think they do. Ask just about anyone if they’re a good listener, and they’ll tell you yes. But most people do a meager job of it at best, instead drawing conclusions and then making statements instead of engaging people by asking questions.
Maybe the people who don’t ask very many questions are afraid of looking stupid. Maybe they think it makes them seem weak. Or maybe they think they’re supposed to have all the answers. Maybe it’s just a function of the fact that we can think faster, at 500 words a minute, than most people talk, which is about 130 words a minute. It’s not uncommon for our minds to wander to what we want to say when its our turn to talk, so it’s pretty easy to get ahead of what we’re hearing.
But a great coach understands the limits of his or her knowledge about another person, and explores that boundary to build the connection, rather than building the boundary and weakening the relationship. The key is curiosity. The less you think you know, the more you find out. The more value you place on what you can learn by listening, the less distracted you’ll be with your own thoughts.
Have you ever heard someone say “There is no such thing as a stupid question?’.’ That’s a great guide when it comes to everyone other than you! You can’t afford to ask dumb questions if you want to bring out the best in your people. When someone asks me a question, no matter how trite, simplistic or off the point, I welcome it and find the opportunity in it.
I do think there are dumb questions to avoid, when it’s me asking the questions. They’re dumb if they fail to take into account things people have said. They’re dumb if they’re closed ended instead of open ended, unless I intend to bring something to a close. I want my questions to serve an intelligent purpose. A person’s motivations and positions are in the deep structure, so that’s where I want to go. I want to learn about their goals and aspirations, their desires and fears. Asking questions is a great way of leading people to their own resourcefulness. Just as their answers inform me, I want my questions to inform them.
As a coach, the more you know, the more likely it is that you will know exactly what you need to know in order to elicit comfort confidence and credibility.
©Dr. Rick Kirschner. Dr. Rick is a bestselling author and speaker, coach and trainer, with clients that include Heineken, Providence Healthcare, and Texas Instruments. Author of 'Insider's Guide To The Art Of Persuasion.' Free for a limited time, a $49 value audio on Dealing With Difficult People. Go to http://theartofchange.com/promo for details.
Showing posts with label persuasion. Show all posts
Showing posts with label persuasion. Show all posts
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Monday, March 8, 2010
How to Have People Interested in What You Are Saying For Once
A beginners-guide to using story to become more compelling when you speak. Whether you are trying to persuade your daughter to do her homework, or a customer to buy your product.
By Daniel Batten
By using the 3 tips below, you will pick up - a formula to tell people information about your product so they remember it and buy it. - a simple structure to give people facts in a presentation so they stay alert and interested. - a 3-part method you can use to sell ideas without people feeling like you are selling. For example, you can even sell to your teenager the facts about why s/he should do their homework. When applied, these tips will make what you say memorable, even if people currently don’t listen to what you say at all.
We humans have evolved to store information in our heads when its told in a story. Think of story like the supermarket shelf, and the information being the food. Imagine shopping in a supermarket with no shelves. That’s the way people feel listening to you when you give information without a story. No-one can resist a good story well told, The three tools below will show you how to make your stories interesting, so nobody gets bored and thinks they’d rather get shot in the face than listen to you. The first three rules below will get you started!
Tip 1: The “What’s the Point” Phrase.
Have you ever heard a story that went all over the place? - no beginning, middle or end? Perhaps it was you who was giving it? By using this next tool, you can stop this from happening ever again.
The secret is to use a “What’s the point” phrase. This phrase sums up the point in 10 words. If you don’t have a “What’s the point” phrase, you don’t have a story.
For example, if you are telling a story about how you locked yourself out of your apartment half-dressed’ ask yourself “What’s the point?” Is it - “Thinking ahead saves time” or - “We find creative solutions when we have no other choice” or - “Every problem has a solution?” or - “You can trust me. I’m prepared to tell a story that paints me in a less-than-glowing light!
Whatever you choose as your phrase, you then need to cut out anything (no matter how good) that doesn’t relate to that phrase.
Tip 2: Edit yourself.
You don’t have to have a pen and paper to edit. You can practice editing in your own head by asking yourself a couple of simple questions. See, most humans over-explain things. That’s because we care about what we are talking about. But they don’t… yet. Here’s how you make them care.
Every word should be treated as though it has a cost: don’t get charged “extra baggage” for every unnecessary word.
When it comes to people being interested in what you say: Remember: less is more. So rather than thinking “does this add more info” ask yourself “does this improve the power-to-weight ratio of my story”.
Stop worrying “how much information can I say” and start asking yourself “how much information will they remember?” By asking yourself these editing questions, you will start to speak in a way that others can remember, because you removed what wasn’t memorable before you opened your mouth.
Tip 3: Add spice.
What gives a story spice? Cool characters and delicious dialog right? Its very easy to create this yourself. Rather than say “I went to see my My General Manager and asked him to change some things about how he ran the company” say
That Thursday I saw my General Manager Graham Orphin - think Art Garfunkel with a moustache and English Accent. I said “Ummm, I have some ideas on what this company can do better” and then I listed them.“number one ...”.
Why is this so much more effective? Because it lets the person listening to you form a mental picture of the person, and the dialog allows them to relive your moment with you.
Doing this enhances their connection with you because they can connect to your story, and connection is the key for people being interested in what you say.
Everyone loves a good story-teller. Story profoundly improves business-results and definitely increases your market worth, making life more fun for you and those around you. There is more to it - but this is plenty for now: better to pinpoint the “low hanging fruit” than get overwhelmed and end up getting no fruit at all.
Daniel Batten makes products to help you succeed in your business/career by becoming a persuasive speaker, a compelling GenX leader, or an indispensible employee. Find out more about how to increase your market worth today by subscribing to his free newsletter, available at: => http://beyondtheceiling.com/newsletter.html
By Daniel Batten
By using the 3 tips below, you will pick up - a formula to tell people information about your product so they remember it and buy it. - a simple structure to give people facts in a presentation so they stay alert and interested. - a 3-part method you can use to sell ideas without people feeling like you are selling. For example, you can even sell to your teenager the facts about why s/he should do their homework. When applied, these tips will make what you say memorable, even if people currently don’t listen to what you say at all.
We humans have evolved to store information in our heads when its told in a story. Think of story like the supermarket shelf, and the information being the food. Imagine shopping in a supermarket with no shelves. That’s the way people feel listening to you when you give information without a story. No-one can resist a good story well told, The three tools below will show you how to make your stories interesting, so nobody gets bored and thinks they’d rather get shot in the face than listen to you. The first three rules below will get you started!
Tip 1: The “What’s the Point” Phrase.
Have you ever heard a story that went all over the place? - no beginning, middle or end? Perhaps it was you who was giving it? By using this next tool, you can stop this from happening ever again.
The secret is to use a “What’s the point” phrase. This phrase sums up the point in 10 words. If you don’t have a “What’s the point” phrase, you don’t have a story.
For example, if you are telling a story about how you locked yourself out of your apartment half-dressed’ ask yourself “What’s the point?” Is it - “Thinking ahead saves time” or - “We find creative solutions when we have no other choice” or - “Every problem has a solution?” or - “You can trust me. I’m prepared to tell a story that paints me in a less-than-glowing light!
Whatever you choose as your phrase, you then need to cut out anything (no matter how good) that doesn’t relate to that phrase.
Tip 2: Edit yourself.
You don’t have to have a pen and paper to edit. You can practice editing in your own head by asking yourself a couple of simple questions. See, most humans over-explain things. That’s because we care about what we are talking about. But they don’t… yet. Here’s how you make them care.
Every word should be treated as though it has a cost: don’t get charged “extra baggage” for every unnecessary word.
When it comes to people being interested in what you say: Remember: less is more. So rather than thinking “does this add more info” ask yourself “does this improve the power-to-weight ratio of my story”.
Stop worrying “how much information can I say” and start asking yourself “how much information will they remember?” By asking yourself these editing questions, you will start to speak in a way that others can remember, because you removed what wasn’t memorable before you opened your mouth.
Tip 3: Add spice.
What gives a story spice? Cool characters and delicious dialog right? Its very easy to create this yourself. Rather than say “I went to see my My General Manager and asked him to change some things about how he ran the company” say
That Thursday I saw my General Manager Graham Orphin - think Art Garfunkel with a moustache and English Accent. I said “Ummm, I have some ideas on what this company can do better” and then I listed them.“number one ...”.
Why is this so much more effective? Because it lets the person listening to you form a mental picture of the person, and the dialog allows them to relive your moment with you.
Doing this enhances their connection with you because they can connect to your story, and connection is the key for people being interested in what you say.
Everyone loves a good story-teller. Story profoundly improves business-results and definitely increases your market worth, making life more fun for you and those around you. There is more to it - but this is plenty for now: better to pinpoint the “low hanging fruit” than get overwhelmed and end up getting no fruit at all.
Daniel Batten makes products to help you succeed in your business/career by becoming a persuasive speaker, a compelling GenX leader, or an indispensible employee. Find out more about how to increase your market worth today by subscribing to his free newsletter, available at: => http://beyondtheceiling.com/newsletter.html
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Do a Sales Job on Yourself
Resolve to put your customer's interests first and watch your sales increase.
By Charles H. Green
Let's get real for a minute. If you look up the dictionary definition of the word “sell,” you may not like some of what you find. There are unpleasant synonyms and usages, words like "persuasion," "inducement," "sell out," "hard sell" and "sell down the river.
"Selling, in other words, doesn't have an entirely good reputation, but you probably already knew that quite well. You know some people who react negatively to being "sold" and even deplore sales as a career. You've probably spent some energy justifying the role even to yourself.
All this makes it hard to do a great job selling. Unfortunately positive thinking alone won't change people's perceptions. And crossing over to the dark side--accepting the role of con artist and hustler--is ugly, immoral and doesn't work well, anyway.
But there's a way out, a way of acknowledging the tough reputation of sales and overcoming it at the same time. It involves the most important sale you'll make--the sale inside your head.
Pick one of these simple ideas, however you say it:
-You get more sales by getting people what they want than by trying to sell them what you want.
-If you stop trying to control people, they'll cooperate with you.
-If you listen to people first, they will then listen to you.
-If you help people you increase your chances of making sales.
-If you put your customers' interests ahead of your own, you'll end up better off than if you tried to achieve your own ends directly.
There's a good reason most customers are suspicious of salespeople: Most salespeople are, in fact, more motivated by getting the sale than they are by helping their customers. And it's made worse by the sales professionals' relentless pursuit of efficiency, closing and objection handling--all of which are about the salesman, not the customer.
The idea is so plain it can be difficult to believe. It seems paradoxical: Stop trying to control your customers and you'll get better results than if you try every trick in the book.
People want to buy from those they trust. The best way to be trusted by your customers is simply to be worthy of their trust. Be trustworthy. That means truth-telling and transparency. Above all, a relentless focus on the best interests of your customers will earn their trust.
If you constantly serve your customers' ends, you'll gain a reputation for being trustworthy. When people trust you, they hassle you less about price, they refer you to others, you get fewer competitive and more sole-source bids, higher repeat rates and far more cooperation from your customers.
Successfully selling yourself on building a trust-based relationship is a win-win. Customers get their interests served better, and you get your interests served better. But this only happens when you don't lead from your own self-interest.
That simple, internal sales job is not all that easy. But the very best salespeople in nearly all industries have managed to make that sale. They have convinced themselves that everyone, themselves included, is better off if their primary focus is serving their customers.
Put it another way: Make your own sales not a goal, but a byproduct, a byproduct of making customer satisfaction your primary goal.
By Charles H. Green
Let's get real for a minute. If you look up the dictionary definition of the word “sell,” you may not like some of what you find. There are unpleasant synonyms and usages, words like "persuasion," "inducement," "sell out," "hard sell" and "sell down the river.
"Selling, in other words, doesn't have an entirely good reputation, but you probably already knew that quite well. You know some people who react negatively to being "sold" and even deplore sales as a career. You've probably spent some energy justifying the role even to yourself.
All this makes it hard to do a great job selling. Unfortunately positive thinking alone won't change people's perceptions. And crossing over to the dark side--accepting the role of con artist and hustler--is ugly, immoral and doesn't work well, anyway.
But there's a way out, a way of acknowledging the tough reputation of sales and overcoming it at the same time. It involves the most important sale you'll make--the sale inside your head.
Pick one of these simple ideas, however you say it:
-You get more sales by getting people what they want than by trying to sell them what you want.
-If you stop trying to control people, they'll cooperate with you.
-If you listen to people first, they will then listen to you.
-If you help people you increase your chances of making sales.
-If you put your customers' interests ahead of your own, you'll end up better off than if you tried to achieve your own ends directly.
There's a good reason most customers are suspicious of salespeople: Most salespeople are, in fact, more motivated by getting the sale than they are by helping their customers. And it's made worse by the sales professionals' relentless pursuit of efficiency, closing and objection handling--all of which are about the salesman, not the customer.
The idea is so plain it can be difficult to believe. It seems paradoxical: Stop trying to control your customers and you'll get better results than if you try every trick in the book.
People want to buy from those they trust. The best way to be trusted by your customers is simply to be worthy of their trust. Be trustworthy. That means truth-telling and transparency. Above all, a relentless focus on the best interests of your customers will earn their trust.
If you constantly serve your customers' ends, you'll gain a reputation for being trustworthy. When people trust you, they hassle you less about price, they refer you to others, you get fewer competitive and more sole-source bids, higher repeat rates and far more cooperation from your customers.
Successfully selling yourself on building a trust-based relationship is a win-win. Customers get their interests served better, and you get your interests served better. But this only happens when you don't lead from your own self-interest.
That simple, internal sales job is not all that easy. But the very best salespeople in nearly all industries have managed to make that sale. They have convinced themselves that everyone, themselves included, is better off if their primary focus is serving their customers.
Put it another way: Make your own sales not a goal, but a byproduct, a byproduct of making customer satisfaction your primary goal.
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